Nights like Tonight

Well it’s been a while.

I haven’t had a night like tonight in a long time. Mind racing, can’t turn my brain off. Feels like my brain is on overdrive, overstimulated.

Like chaos and it’s hard to make sense of it all.

I’ve been on a sort of hiatus. In other words I haven’t been working to my full potential. The pandemic took its toll on me and I’ve been hesitant to push myself again.

As you may have read, at the start of the pandemic I was promoted to store manager. I had finally entered a career that would have set me on the right path for the rest of my life.

Well life doesn’t always turn out the way you wanted it to. I’m no longer at that company anymore. After becoming burnt out, mentally, physically and emotionally, I left. I didn’t get the help I needed in time to save myself.

It’s been a while since I’ve had a night where I feel like I’m squirming in my own skin. Insecure and unfulfilled. I find myself reaching like I’ve never before. Putting myself out there. I’ve started small, downloaded a few apps to connect gamers. Even started a TikTok although that’s mostly about my animals.

I’ve come to realize that I don’t feel content anymore going at it alone. Maybe it’s just my age but I no longer feel I have to be the lone Wolf. I need company, interaction and I can’t build friendships fast enough.

On nights like tonight the only thing that really clears my head is writing. It’s something to focus on. To help me sift through the haphazard thoughts on my mind.

If only I could just find sleep.

Published by Anonymous Schizo

I've been handling schizophrenia since my early teenage years. Needless to say I haven't always handled it well. My goal is to blog about my life so people can see what I've gone through, maybe to relate, gain insight, or to just take a walk in my shoes. This is my Schizophrenic Life.

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